The gun it makes you look nicer in a good way...

I'm depressed and I dunno why. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to lay down and die. Well not die but it rhymed and it sounded oh so dramatic. It's not that bad. I have a gazillion things to do but so far all that appeals to me is smoking and drinking coffee. Things are piling up and that just depresses me more. I actually did a load of laundry today. All that did was make room in the dirty laundry hamper for all the crap on my floor. I made room in the hamper, I did not put the crap off the floor in the hamper. I thought Spring was supposed to put a little bit of pep in your step or some shit. I need some pep. I need something. A good kick in the ass to get this place cleaned up. As I'm writing this I'm making a mental list and it's too long. It's depressing me more....taxes, clean closet, dust air vents, make wedding favors for friends wedding, organize the towering pile of paperwork on my desk, reply to emails from friends I've lost touch with and are to scared to talk to, shave my legs, mop the floor, throw away all the junk in the kitty room, get the buzzer fixed....

IT NEVER ENDS

Yet here I am on the couch. Doing nothing and feeling sorry for myself. Somebody kick me in the ass please. Then call Molly Maid and tell them I'm desperate!

The devil punched down to the monkeys

Right now my cat is sitting beside me staring me down. I have no clue as to why. She doesn't want to be petted or anything. I pet her and she leaves. Then she slowly sneaks back up and continues staring. I think she's trying to read my mind. I wonder if she knows that I love the dog more. I wonder if she's jealous that the dog got elk meat sausages from the market. I wonder is she ate my brand new lip balm. I wonder if the dog ate my lip balm. Either way I'm without lip balm. I had it and then I went to bed and now it's gone. Knowing me it's in a pocket somewhere. I always do that. I put things in places so safe, I can never find them again.

The dashboard melted but we still have the radio

I wish more people would come buy candles at the market. It was boring today. Sales were ok. I was serenaded by a stranger. He was funny, and maybe a little bit crazy. Totally cool. It could have been more fun though. I should bring music next time. I've been listening to the new Modest Mouse and it's good. I like to dance to it. With a few more beers I am gonna blast it and dance in my living room alone.

Cha-Ching!

Money sucks. That's why I quit the bank. It was so depressing trying to debt counsel people. All they wanted to do was rack up the debts again as soon as the left my office. The wives would say that they "needed" new furniture, or granite counter tops, or a new SUV. Ya you "need' them! Your lungs will stop sucking in air and your heart will stop beating if the neighbors have a nicer kitchen than you! Balls.

Now, I'm working for myself, and I've turned into such a cheapskate. It's awesome. I splurged yesterday and bought myself a new shirt. $11.00 at Zellers. Look out big spender! It's a gorgeous green for St. Paddy's Day. I have Irish on both sides of my family. My ancestors came over to P.E.I from Ireland. My great great grandfather was a father of confederation. So I deserve the shirt. I don't need the shirt. Damn though, I do look good in green! Maybe if things go well later I get some pics posted.

Anyways, I've decided to stop stressing so much about money. It'll all work out in the end. One day I'll be rolling in the green! One day....

All these people drinking lovers spit

The schools are closed today because of the wind chill. That's crazy. Figures. I have 6 dogs to walk today.

What should I make for dinner tonight? I want to have enough leftovers for my baby's lunch.

I was thinking stew. Or Lasagna? Hmmmm, or Shepherds Pie!

I wanna be on wife swap. That show is the best. We don't have cable and get very few channels. Monday's it's Wife Swap and Super Nanny as your only choice of something in english. If we were on the show they would send some lady here that hated cats and dogs. I hate kids, so I would get some family with 8 kids or something.

Hey Dad! Remember me?

So I had dinner with the family last night. My Gramma, and my Dad and my 3 half siblings. It was nice. Except it's like I'm not really a part of the family. First born daughter and grand daughter and I'm invisible. The leper of the family.

My Gramma and my Uncle and my cousins leave for Cuba this week. What about me? Why wasn't I invited? My cousins have been all over the world, yet here I am without even a sympathy invite.

Then there's my Father. It's a joke to even call him that. Here we are both unemployed. Living 30 minutes away from each other. He's bragging about how he snowboards for free. You know, because he's an instructor. Thanks for the lesson Dad! I like snowboarding! Remember how years ago you bought me a snowboard? Whatever happened to that? Oh ya! You gave it to your son! Thanks for the snowboard Dad!

It's so frustrating and it's been like this my whole life. I guess sharing the same last name and the same color eyes doesn't automatically make you family.

You know it would be great if I accidentally forgot to invite my Dad to my wedding. I could just be like, woops, I forgot all about you! Or, I didn't think you would be interested. You know,I'm only your first born! That doesn't really mean anything to you though, right? Outta sight, outta mind, just like always. My Gramma would never let me do that. She would secretly invite him, just like she always does.

When I was 15 I was arrested for assaulting my abusive Step Father. One of the conditions of my bail was that I was not allowed in my house. My Father was forced to take me into his home. That didn't sit well with my Step Mother. She forced my Father to kick me out. His solution? Let's put a 15 year old in her own apartment! Ya Dad! Great plan. I turned 16 on the day I moved out of my Fathers house. I was my own guardian in grade 10. I signed myself out of class whenever I wanted. I had a job and almost every penny I earned went to drugs and alcohol. It was sad. I ended up hospitalized when I tried to commit suicide. I weighed less than 90lbs. I had developed a heart condition. Did my Father ever once come see me? Nope. He sent me flowers once. Forgot my birthday for 6 years after that though. Eventually my Mom divorced the dick head Step Father and I returned home to my Mothers. Things got better. I changed schools, and I stopped doing drugs. Life went on and I healed.

I still cannot forgive my Dad. He was my hero and he let me down. I fear every man in my life will let me down. I lay awake at night terrified that I might ruin the fantastic relationship I have. Like one day he might realize that he can do better and walk out. Just like my Dad did. Every day is a new day though. I love you and you love me. That's enough for me.

Damn It!

My boyfriend loves porn. It drives me crazy! He tries to hide it from me too. Then he blames it on the internet. Ya like the internet MADE you look at the nekked ladies. It held a gun to your head and forced you to wank off. Frig! Does anyone else get this upset? I can't be the only one that's insecure about this.

That's me. Me and my whisker. Well, it's one of my cats whiskers. I found it on the floor.

Giddy-Up!

Momtheminx wanted me to blog. So I'm blogging. Woo hoo!

I've just started my own business. It's going ok. A little slow maybe, but ok.

Check out my website www.palmerspooches.ca

I make awesome candles too! My candle site is still under construction. It's www.candlesbyali.ca

Today I've been craving a smoke so bad. I have no idea why. Sometimes it just hits me. Like I catch a whiff of someones smoke and then I crave one all day. So far today I've eaten 2 donuts. Blueberry fritter and I already forgotten the first one I ate. Prolly because I just inhaled it and didn't taste it at all.

I walked the 2 doberman today. James only tried to hump me once.